I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize