dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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