My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
