if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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