Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
