i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
