just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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