i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
