Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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