ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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