oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you still have your period?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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