I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
