I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
