Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize