I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
