I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Randomize
