people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize