giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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