in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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