it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
