my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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