So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
