yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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