I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
