Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
