you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
