Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
