Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
