i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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