shes about as inviting as chlamydia
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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