Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
