I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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