I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
