Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
