Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i think my cat just said my name.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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