Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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