I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
