ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
