Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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