I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
