Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
