I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
