bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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