omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
