dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
