I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
