I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
