So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
