Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
vagina is talking i cant
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
