I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
where are my eyebrows?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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