The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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