How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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