Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
