my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
