I am spending my child support on dildos
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
