Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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