I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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