Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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