it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
