Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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