When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
