Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
