imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
