This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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