I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize