please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize