It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
