We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
